Friday, June 19, 2009

Hugh Hefner Is Dead To Me




The other night I find myself watching quite possibly the worst, tasteless, classless reality show on television. And that's saying something. I speak, of course, of "Kendra," the latest in a long, blonde line of Hugh Hefner's ex "girlfriends" who've gone on to the greater pastures of having their vapid lives televised so that idiots like me can sometimes accidentally tune in.
In case you don't know, Kendra was the San Diego chick with the loud, obnoxious laugh, the messiest room in The Mansion and an unabashed thing for Black men. Sometime between Hef "breaking up" with this particular part of the trio of "girlfriends," Kendra went off and found herself a fiance in NFL football player Hank Baskett. The theme is all about how the crazy sexpot can come down from the ivory tower and just live a normal life and make in society. Think of it as "Mary Tyler Moore," only with Chlamydia.
As bad as the E! show is produced - we see Kendra ringing up $400 in groceries while shopping around in a motorized scooter for handicapped folks (LOL!) And then we see her install a stripper pole in her living room while telling her girlfriend, "doesn't my booty look fine right now?" We see her forgetting to call the cable company after her fiance has already put together the plasma TV. Real funny stuff.
But the worst moment of all came out the mouth of Hefner when Kendra and Hank visited The Mansion. Kendra asked him if he was wearing cologne. Hef shot back, "My girlfriend bought me two colognes for Christmas and I'm wearing both of them now. I smell like an Italian whore."
Ha-ha. Laughs all around.
What the fuck is wrong with this man for using that expression? And what the fuck is wrong with E! for allowing it to air?
Can you imagine the shitstorm if Hef had said, "I smell like a Black whore," or "I smell like a Jew whore." Or better yet, "I smell like a Muslim whore."
This was too much for me to take. Here's Hefner, a man who knows a thing or two about whores, since many of his Playmates are known to prostitute themselves out after the layout fades away. My friends in the business tell me The Feds have been looking for the right moment to pounce and make a few, pardon the pun, big busts.
Once there was a day, a Playmate could make six figures over a weekend if she got the right call from the right Saudi Prince. That went on for years. But now they're doing it here at home.
Using the phrase "Italian whore," makes him an asshole in my book now. And that's not easy for me to say having had the honor of driving my car up his driveway and attending some 40 parties over the years. Not to mention the stories I've had published in his magazine. And having spent some wonderful times with the girls in those pages.
But maybe the term "whore" has been fresh in Hef's mind for a while now. It's obvious things have changed at The Mansion. He's pimped out his lavish backyard for Kendra to have her wedding there mainly because he needs the cameras and the press.
The once great magazine doesn't sing like it used to either. What was once 140 pages is now going down a paltry 80. That's hardly enough time for a good tug. This month's issue was a "double issue," which is the kiss of death for a magazine. In the coming months Playboy will only be out 10 months a year. The empire is crumbling. And I would've been the first to cry at its great, big gates on Charring Cross Road. But letting the phrase "Italian whore" slip out the very same dentures I once saw him accidentally spit out at a Hollywood nightspot while he was "dancing" was the last straw for me.
I wrote to the P.R. guy at Comcast, the company that runs E! Italian guy too. I told him, "You know something. Italians don't have an Al Sharpton to call. Or a Jewish Defense League. We just let some time pass. And we wait. One night, when you least expect it, you don't make it to the front porch after stepping out of your fancy car."
Plus I don't need to see centerfolds anymore. My wife is my pin-up.

19 comments:

  1. Hugh Hefner is an example to all that bad taste is simply bad taste and certainly has put himself in a position to be careful of making a mockery of any race, sex or religion. I am proud to be the mother-in-law of a stand up Italian writer and the father of some great Italian grandchildren

    ReplyDelete
  2. I personally don't appreciate the bait and switch Hef mag pulls from time to time. Take this month for example. Nerd fantasy queen Olivia Munn graces the cover, emerging from the swimming pool like every one of my Phoebe Cates fantasies come true. Surely this is going to be the greatest thing to happen to geeks since the two bladed lightsaber. But don't go breaking the safety seal off your fresh from the factory boners just yet, fanboys. The rabbit's pulled a dipsy-doodle. G4's poster girl isn't naked inside the magazine. Truth be told there's only one actual photo of her in the whole thing. That's fucking fraud in my book. They toss you a bone (no pun intended) by directing you to the playboy web site where you can see more non naked pics of the girl you bought the goddamn magazine for in the first place, but note to Hef: if I'm going on the net already, sorry pal, that bookmark for youporn wins evey time.

    ReplyDelete
  3. The term is as old as the hills and reminds me of similar classic racist stereotypes along the lines of Jews and money, Blacks and watermelon, Irish and drinking and Asians and driving. Perhaps if Hefner was Italian, I might have given him a pass. If you're within the same racial or social demographic and you're telling a story or a joke, certain liberties are often granted within the group-- but the guy is Nebraska whitebread. He's pretty media savvy, being Hugh Hefner and all. He may just not give a shit. Sometimes old guys just need a good beating. I can say that because I'm an old guy.

    ReplyDelete
  4. A reality show featuring Kendra is a reakl stretch. She's not interesting enough to carry it. I give the show one season, max.

    ReplyDelete
  5. OH my goodness. You sure know how to come out of the gates with both barrels blazing---or whatever that term is.

    AJ never went anywhere but the sharp writing is back. So glad that you are writing...and yes, your wife is indeed the best kind of pinup and the best kind of "girl next door."

    -K

    ReplyDelete
  6. You crack me up! Glad your back in action, never put down the pen again!

    ReplyDelete
  7. I'd cut Hef a little slack on this one...the guys 80 years old and I can't recall ever hearing anything remotely racist from him over the years...I could see why italians would take offense with his comment but I actually think he meant to say "french whore" a leftover term from the late 1800's when french prostitutes began appearing on postcards in racy poses in what was a precursor to playboy...anyway, I think a related topic you may want to tackle is what's happening to our print medium...what's gonna happen to iconic magazines like Playboy, Esquire, Vanity Fair and how that's going to impact writers (and readers)

    ReplyDelete
  8. Love your article AJ...You go Guy and give it to Him! You made some really good points. He is probably Jealous that he is not Italian.

    ReplyDelete
  9. You've become quite the bitter has-been, AJ. I hope things pick up for you before you burn every bridge you have.

    ReplyDelete
  10. You know AJ I agree with you 1000 percent. Many may seem to think that you are bitter like the comment above me. it's not being bitter it's about having an opinion and sticking to it. One thing I know for a fact is the truth hurts. Here's the difference between your blog and the comment above me one of you has the balls to attach your name to what you have to say. Not hide under anonymous that's what I called a coward. Speak on brother AJ!!

    Signed, A big Fat Puerto Rican from the Bronx
    Casper Martinez

    ReplyDelete
  11. Kendra is not from the midwest. She's from San Diego.

    ReplyDelete
  12. and she's marrying Hank Baskett, not Hank Bassett

    ReplyDelete
  13. Hey Anonymous......you got a name? It's Hank BASSETT. If you're not willing to put your name to your comments...get back to your basement and your Wii game.
    A Benza

    ReplyDelete
  14. No need to get pissy....
    http://www.nydailynews.com/gossip/2008/11/06/2008-11-06_girls_next_door_star_kendra_wilkinson_en.html

    ReplyDelete
  15. http://www.thehollywoodgossip.com/2009/02/hank-baskett-and-kendra-wilkinson-together-at-last/

    B-A-S-K-E-T-T

    ReplyDelete
  16. Yo....Mr. Anonymous....you are right! My bad! Thanks for keeping me on my toes.
    AJ

    ReplyDelete
  17. No, seriously, if I screw up...I want you all to let me hear it. I appreciate the love.
    AJ

    ReplyDelete